Sorry I haven't posted in a LONG time.

So over the next week or so I will try to update everything that has gone on in the last 2 years A lot has happened in that time. I apologize to those who have been following and need to know they are not alone in their journey thru this. Lately I feel God has put it on my heart to start this up and update and keep this going for those of you out there going thru the same thing as I did. I have had a few people of late comment and that has made me want to keep this going. I will try to fill in the last two years as best I can. I look forward to hearing all you comments and I will try to respond as I always have. So we go back to May of 2011 I was working at Starbucks and thing were going well for awhile till the pain in my neck started to effect my work. I was unable to continue PT as I was out of visits for the year already and the denied my request for more. I had gone to my pain doctor to try to find an alternative to treat the pain and help with my fingers going numb all the time. The only thing at that time we could do was continue pain meds I was taking morphine twice a day as well as oxycodone 3-4 times a day as well. The pain was starting to get worse. It got to the point that I ended up having to go on disability from work. I was not happy but I did get some pay from the benefits I had at the time. When I went back to pain doc again we sat down and talked about other ideas to try and this is when i found a brochure for a spinal cord stimulator. He said before I could do anything like that we had to exhaust all other remedies first. In other words to get the insurance to pay for it we had to show that the other ways were not working. This was now getting to be mid August 2011. In September I had my first epidural injection into the epidural space in my spine. This almost hurt more than the pain I had every day. It was horrible. After the procedure though my pain subsided for about three weeks. It felt amazing. I didn't hurt nearly as bad as I had for so long I was very happy with it, even though it hurt like hell. Through all of this time as well I was going to see a therapist as well to help with my depression. It was helping a little but then I started to have night terrors and would scream in my sleep. I couldn't sleep well and some nights not at all. The doc suggested a sleep aide to help as well as another med which I cant remember the name of for the night terrors. This did help me sleep but it knocked me out for 10-12 hrs a night. This combined with the pain meds was not a good combo. I was like a zombie most days. I was there but not there. By Sept I all of the sudden had all of pain come rushing back overnight. The epidural injection wore off almost instantly. So back to the doctor office again. the injections had to be a series of three. So I had to go thru the pain of on again. But I was ok with it because it would be worth it to be almost pain free for another few weeks. But this one didn't work at all. So he had me come back for the third on about a week later. Again this one failed as well. Not sure why but I got absolutely no relief from either of them at all. This is when we finally able to talk about the stimulator be placed in me.

Wow its been awhile!!!

The last post update I had was back in February and as I am sure you are wondering how has life been since then. Well a lot of things have gone good and then not so good. We started out back into physical therapy and life was going well. I was studying as you know to pursue a degree in teaching at that time. That has drastically changed since the last time I updated this.

I had sat down with my wife and talked out what the best thing for me was going to be in the long term. We decided that stgopping school for now and trying to focus on getting my self back to work and getting my body healthier was going to be the best option for me. Trying to work adn go to school and trying to do PT three times a week was just way to much to try and handle right now.

So i started a new job at the end of March and I really enjoy what i do now. I am working at Starbucks All the coffee I can handle is a great benefit!!! They also have great benefits for employees as well. So for the health benefits when i qualify are a real plus for sure.

As far as PT goes it has been an up and down battle for sure. I had started going again back in March I think? I cant remember. This was after I finally got the insurance issues worked out as to what plan I was going to be on. Since at the time of my accident I didn't have any i was put on the state covered insurance. They kept changing me back an forth so I could never find someone who would take my insurance and if I did they would change it again and the new plan was not one they took. So anyway it finally got to be a consistent plan and i started to see a therapist. I had progressed to the point of not having to take pain meds to survive my days. I still would end up a little sore by the time my next appointment was but still it was a lot better than it has ever been.

We were making great progress in my thereapy and I had great hopes of getting back on the water this summer to ski and I had set my sights on learning to ski the slalom course by september. I know big goal! But why not? I was beginning to think that I had finally got to that point of seeing some good progress and seeing results from what i was doing. I had totally stopped pain meeds and the massage therapy along with the electric stem treatments on my neck as well as the exercises we were doing daily at home and in therapy were working great.

I know you can just see that this all building up to a really crappy outcome huh. Then the lovely insurance plan said I had used all my visits and they were not going to approve any more. Unless as a result I was unable to resume my normal daily functions. Really!!!! I have not normal daily functions for quite some time now. Fo some strange reason they think that stopping thereapy suddenly is the best course of action to allow my body to heal from such a traumatic injury, They also said i can appeal if my therapist and doctor felt that by stopping it would prevent me from returning to work and effecting my daily life.

It just boggles the mind at how ridiculous some of things they say are really. So that is what I did. I appealed and asked for an expediated answer to be able to resume therapy. Now my idea of an expedited quick answer is a couple of days. Boy was I wrong apparently it means a minimum of 14 days. How do they think someone who needs the PT three times a week is supposed to maintain there current level of progress without going to thereapy anymore?? Beyond me on why they do the things they do.

Still waiting to hear back. The even better part is that now I have to take pain meeds again to just maintain a somewhat normal day. It really sucks. I can openly play with my daughter for maybe an hour than I have to stop cause it will hurt to much. That is the worst part. I would love to be able play with her and not hurt after.

SO the waiting game continues on......UNtil next time.

Februaury Update

It has been quite awhile since my last update and I feel bad for those who actually keep up on this and read it. A lot has been going on for me since Novemeber. I am making progress in my recovery and can do the normal walking around activities with little pain. I am still having big issues when I do any kind of physical activity though. Just before Christmas we went sledding and I did as well. Nothing to major just played in the snow and played with my daughter Alex. We went to Leavonworth after to walk around. By the time we were getting ready to go home my head and neck started to hurt. It didnt seem to let up at all even after a couple of pain pills. It got so bad I couldn't even drive at all. The next day I had a miagraine all day as well. Then again last week went roller blading along the trail for about 20 minutes. That evening the same thing started again. It's not a muscle pain but feels like it is in between my skull and spine. It is a sharp pain that just wont go away for awhile. I guess I need to take it easy still and go slowly back into to physical activities. That is such a bummer for me. I really wanted to try and get in better shape leading into the summer so I could get back on the water and ski again. Well Maybe the end of summer is a better goal. We will see.

I am starting physical Therapy up again next week to hopefully try and get some more movement in my neck and try to get the stiffness to be less.

On another topic I have gone back to school and I am studying to get my BA in secondary teaching to teach high school math. I am really excited about this and cant wait to start the program this summer.

The other big hurdle I have been dealing wiht lately is trying not to hurt so bad in the morning after sleeping so crappy. I have tried everything. New pillows, more pillows, less pillows, none. It seems to be a crap shoot every night as to how I will wake the next morning. Hopefully it will get better soon.

Have a great day until next time.

Bryan

Along the roller coaster ride called recovery we continue to go!

So for the past few weeks I have been trying to get back into some kind of schedule. Guess maybe I should put this on my schedule too. I have not only been dealing with the pain but there are also a lot of other issues that are unseen that come along with an injury of this magnitude. My sleep is getting a little better but seems to take three steps forward two back. Forward progress is good but the set backs are hard to deal with.

First and foremost my pain level has seemed to continue along everyday. Its very frustrating cause I have yet to find something to do to help alleviate this. Although I have been sitting in the hot tub and have Mindy massage my neck muscles. That helps a lot. I can thank her enough for being so supportive and an awesome wife and even better mother. She has helped me through the ups and downs I deal with every day. Seems to be more downs lately than ups.

Physical therapy seems to have come to a stand still right now. I go and don't feel it is very productive for me. SO I am on a mission to find a new one. My biggest problem is there are not very many PT's that have dealt with this type of injury. My doctor told me today that in the last 6 years Harbourview has only seen 60 patients that have had a c-1 fracture. Now I am not sure wht their outcome was but thats less than 10 a year. From what I have read there is only a very small percentage that actually have no neurological damage as I do. So now trying to find someone with knowledge of this is small. I will find the right one they are out there.

Not very many people like to talk about their personal issues in the open. I have found through this, that hiding my feelings that does not help me or those around me. I know I should feel happy that I can still walk and talk, but I have been really depressed for the last several weeks. It has got worse the last couple. I cry for no apparent reason. I feel lost on what I should be doing. I am at a stagnant point in progressing forward in getting more mobility. I don't know what to do about it. I cant seem to turn my head further left to right. So on we go with this puzzle we call my body.

Dealing with all the mental parts of recovery are never really talked about much. I think this is even harder to deal worth than the injury itself. It so hard to get in a good mental place to start recovery when you feel like you aren't getting anywhere. It's been 19 weeks since my injury. I am definately feeling better than weeks 1-3 and better than many others but still in pain. I wish I knew the magic number of weeks is until its to the point I feel that I am good to go back to the sports and activities I love and miss so much. My softball team this fall won the championship in our league. I was so excited for them but at the same time I was really depressed that I was not part of it all. Yeah I know you all way say look at how far you have come and I understand that concept. For me though, I am still not me.

I am seeing a therapist and I am working through the mental game this has become. This is one game I will not lose.

Just what is a Jefferson burst fracture?

First, I thought I'd explain just what a Jefferson Fracture is.

It is a 3 or 4 place fracture of the C1 vertebra. Simple as that!

Research I have done on this injury reveals that it is most usually suffered by males (of which I am not); it is usually a sports-related injury, occuring most often from diving and equestrian accidents.

You can easily visualize what happens, if you wish.

The C1 is different than all other vertebrae in that it is comprised of one solid ring of bone. The C1 acts as a washer of sorts between the skull and the C2 and rest of the spine. It is called the Atlas bone, for like the mythical figure of old, this Atlas holds the weight of the world (aka skull) upon its shoulders.

To say it is a pretty important part of the spine, I guess, would be an understatement. Its proximity to the skull base and cranial nerves means that movement of only millimeters can have a profound effect.

When a person lands with great velocity onto the very top of their head (as in diving into shallow water), the skull is pushed with great force unto the C1 ring. Something's gotta give! A Jefferson Fracture occurs when that C1 breaks in 3 or 4 places.

Our anatomy in this area is all held in place by ligaments, including the ever-important "Transverse Ligament." In a STABLE Jefferson Fracture, the burst fracture of the C1 springs apart, and the ligaments pull things right back into shape. This is still a serious situation, but the ligaments still being functional means that the fracture is stable and more conservative measures can be taken for treatment.

However, if the burst fractures go wide enough, this is indicative that the ligaments were all ruptured, broken ("ripped and torn" my neurosurgeon told me), stretched beyond compare and unable to pull the C1 back into position. In fact, radiologists are taught to recognize that a Jefferson fracture is unstable and the tranverse ligament is compromised by how far gapped the fractured sites are.

When this happens, an UNSTABLE Jefferson Fracture has occurred and the treatment for this is much more aggressive. Websites and doctors seem to vary a little bit about the course of treatment, but the "minimal standard of care" seems to be traction in the hospital for a week or so, then a halo being installed for the patient to wear for 3 months or longer. The point of all of this is obviously: stability while things are healing. This stability is of utmost importance.

The C2 is also in the picture, as the odontoid (or dens, a part of the C2) sticks up into the off-center of the C1. The odontoid is something of a bony finger or tooth and makes the C2 a unique vertebra, as well. The transverse ligament travels between the C1 and C2.

Once again we spend time at the ER. LOVELY

So they appt has come and gone. My numbing in my fingers got worse leading up to my appt. Over the weekend my pain increased substantially. So monday morning we call the doctors office to see what they would like me to do. The answer we got from the nurse on call was go directly to the ER. That this was a serious symptom that needed ot be addressed immediately. Off we go to the ER on the orders of the nurse. When we arrive there we WAIT and wait and wait. Now remember that I already had an appt in the clinic at 2:30pm. It is getting close to 100pm and still not even checked in yet. I guess when they say its serious they fail to let the people checking patients in that this is serious. Or they just don't know yet cause I still haven't even been seen by the triage nurse.

As we get closer to 230pm my wife went upstairs to check in the clinic to see if we should just come up there instead. So after sitting in the ER for several hours they say just come to your appt instead. WOW what a waste of the day. I guess there idea of emergency isn't the same as others.

Next we wait in the waiting room. Boy do I love waiting. Why do they tell you to be there at 230pm when they actually don't call you back till 250pm. Then they don't come in to see you till 305pm. why dont thye just be here at 300pm and we will see you within 5min. or your visit is free. Yeah that would work. HA that will never happen.

We finally get to see the doctor but (what you thought it would get better HAHA) We don't actually see the doctor. We get to see the resident instead of the attending. You know the guy in charge. The guy we get to see we have seen before but the first time didn't go so well. I don't think he even read my chart before he came in. Well maybe this time would be better.

SO we explain the numbing sensations and that we were told to go to the ER and he immediately says "Well we told you surgery was the best option from the beginning." Really, Jack ass that was never said to me. Then he says, " well once the vertebrae are past 7mm we always do surgery and yours are at 12mm." Really how can you tell me that, that was never said to me. "Well if you want your pain to go away surgery is what you need." Now I may be wrong a little on how he said it and exactly what he said. You get the point though. He was not very supportive of my original plan we went over and implemented with the attending and what it clearly said in my chart. Surgery is only a last resort. We will not do that until everything else fails. I want it to heal naturally so I can have full mobility.

As we are wrapping up the appointment he says "So do you feel good about the appointment." NO It was a waste of time. You answered nothing and made me feel horrible. You didn't even offer a solution as to why my hands and fingers go numb. Well I thing you need surgery he says. That will fix it. How can you recommend that without looking into it more. You have even said x-rays are not as detailed as you would like. Why don't we do something else to look into it further and better. Then he finally says we can do a scan of your neck. WOW It takes me asking you the resident to get something done. Maybe you should go back to lecture to learn how to speak with patients.

So we schedule a CT scan fo the following Monday.

Meanwhile his solution was wait and see how the scan goes but just wear the hard collar to help. All day everyday to support your neck it may not be stable thats why you go numb. SO the whole week I am stressed out about the results and worrying to no end. I didn't sleep well at all. I keep thinking I am going to have to have surgery cause its not healing and i feel like I am going backwards. The week was horrible.

Monday the 28th EW have another appointment to see the doctor to go over the results

Monday could not come quick enough for me. I finally should get some more informed answers. The scan was super fast, I didn't even have to wait in the waiting room. They were definatley on time. Next was the doctor. WOW they were on time too. Maybe this is a sign. Well one can wish right?

So who will we see today. If that other guy comes in I am going ot tell him to leave. I am glad when the attending walks in. He is so much better with patients and explaining whats going on with my neck. I am still nervous and really tense and cant relax. I do not want to hear the bad news if there is some. Thankfully everything checked out on the scan. It showed that my vertebrae are only 8mm overhanging not 12mm. So what does that mean to me. It means that I will not need surgery unless the pain becomes to unbearable to deal with on a daily basis. I will get full mobility back in my neck. Relief finally. I can feel it move throughout my whole body.

So what do I do now? Well that would be PT twice a week for awhile. I no longer need to wear the neck brace. The numbness is from inflamation that is in my neck from not moving. Not neurilogical signs that my vertebrae is moving. Of the four breaks of my vertebrae there is noticeable healing of three of them. The fourth may not heal fully but there is enough fibrous tissue in the other three to be called stable.

So now the next chapter starts today. I had my first appointment today at the Physical Therapy office at Harbourview Medical Center. This is where i will begin my journey back to where I was on June 22nd 2010. I have a great therapist and I will be back stronger than before. I just need to teach my neck to turn with moving my shoulders. I guess that is what happens typically to those with this type of injury. Your brain forgets that it is safe to just turn your neck. You have to get the neurons to fire again and show it that it will not injure yourself. I also shrug my shoulders up a lot. This is a reaction to my body trying to protect itself. Its crazy to hear I have to learn to turn my head again.

I would have never thought that I would be able to move this soon considering what my injury was. Well not moving freely yet, but I will.

The roller coaster of recovery continues on.

So I haven't been very good about keeping up to date on my posts for you all to follow. After you read this I think you will see why I haven't wanted to .

The last three weeks have gone by really fast for me. I have had good highs and low lows. The first few days without my halo felt really weird. The hardest part was sleeping at night. I couldn't find a comfy spot at all with the pillows I had. The I had posted on FB to see if anyone had a tempurpedic pillow they don't use to see if it would help. By the grace of God I was blessed by my uncle with a new pillow.

Talk about heaven in bed. The first couple of nights I tried to sleep with my brace on as well and could not sleep very well. I kept waking up in pain and lots of discomfort. So I treid to take the brace off and sleep with out it. I was finally able to sleep. I slept thru the whole night and woke up pain free. I felt so great to feel good in the morning for once. As the days since the halo removal I have been able to slowly keep from wearing the brace during the day at all. Everything was going great in my recovery until the last few days.

About four days ago while I was in bed I woke up and stretched a little and felt my neck crack a little. It felt like when try to crack your neck. It wasn't painful at all. I didn't think anything of it at the time.

Then slowly I start to notice I am in more and more pain, day after day. I have lots of pain at night when I sleep and more during the day as well. I am not doing more activities but can't explain why I hurt more. I go back to that night when I felt and herd my neck crack.

As this continues to bother me and gets worse I start to feel worse everyday. I find my self sleeping more in the morning cause I don't get good sleep at night. I wake up every 2-3 hours at night to take a pain pill. I haven't had to do that for quite some time.

Dealing with the pain can be exhausting at times. The biggest issue I have though is that my fingers and arms fall asleep at night now. It is very worrying for me to have this happen. The doctor had said I may have electrical pulse go thru my arms and legs if the vertebrae isn't stabile. This is my fear. If that is the case then surgery it is.

Every time I turn my head side to side it feels as though my vertebrae has to move to the side for me turn further. To me it feels as though my vertebrae is moving back and forth. It feels really weird to have my vertebrae move side to side. Not a feeling you want ot have to experience.

So my request to all who reads this is that you pray for me. I have an appointment Monday at 2:30 pm to find pout what is happening with my vertebrae. Pray for me to be healthy, whether it means my neck is doing great and it is just me thinking it is moving. Or if it is the alternative and I need surgery. Then Pray for the surgeon to have the knowledge he needs to fix me. Just pray for me. Thank you.