So for the past few weeks I have been trying to get back into some kind of schedule. Guess maybe I should put this on my schedule too. I have not only been dealing with the pain but there are also a lot of other issues that are unseen that come along with an injury of this magnitude. My sleep is getting a little better but seems to take three steps forward two back. Forward progress is good but the set backs are hard to deal with.
First and foremost my pain level has seemed to continue along everyday. Its very frustrating cause I have yet to find something to do to help alleviate this. Although I have been sitting in the hot tub and have Mindy massage my neck muscles. That helps a lot. I can thank her enough for being so supportive and an awesome wife and even better mother. She has helped me through the ups and downs I deal with every day. Seems to be more downs lately than ups.
Physical therapy seems to have come to a stand still right now. I go and don't feel it is very productive for me. SO I am on a mission to find a new one. My biggest problem is there are not very many PT's that have dealt with this type of injury. My doctor told me today that in the last 6 years Harbourview has only seen 60 patients that have had a c-1 fracture. Now I am not sure wht their outcome was but thats less than 10 a year. From what I have read there is only a very small percentage that actually have no neurological damage as I do. So now trying to find someone with knowledge of this is small. I will find the right one they are out there.
Not very many people like to talk about their personal issues in the open. I have found through this, that hiding my feelings that does not help me or those around me. I know I should feel happy that I can still walk and talk, but I have been really depressed for the last several weeks. It has got worse the last couple. I cry for no apparent reason. I feel lost on what I should be doing. I am at a stagnant point in progressing forward in getting more mobility. I don't know what to do about it. I cant seem to turn my head further left to right. So on we go with this puzzle we call my body.
Dealing with all the mental parts of recovery are never really talked about much. I think this is even harder to deal worth than the injury itself. It so hard to get in a good mental place to start recovery when you feel like you aren't getting anywhere. It's been 19 weeks since my injury. I am definately feeling better than weeks 1-3 and better than many others but still in pain. I wish I knew the magic number of weeks is until its to the point I feel that I am good to go back to the sports and activities I love and miss so much. My softball team this fall won the championship in our league. I was so excited for them but at the same time I was really depressed that I was not part of it all. Yeah I know you all way say look at how far you have come and I understand that concept. For me though, I am still not me.
I am seeing a therapist and I am working through the mental game this has become. This is one game I will not lose.
